Roach

A GRUMPY LUMPUS

Other Names: Moth sometimes calls Roach "Rose"

Species: Andrewsarchus mongoliensis

Age: Almost literally a fossil (he's immortal)

Birthday: September 23

Gender: Never really cared about that to begin with; stopped noticing it entirely sometime in the 18th century

Pronouns: Any 

Sexuality: Exclusively attracted to Moth

Occupation: Whatever he feels like.  Previously, he's been everything from a busty waitress to a literal king.

Physical Description 

• His head looks like a giant toothy mouth being attacked from behind by a monster made out of greasy hair
• Does Roach is eyes??  Nobody knows
• Sometimes he vomits up giant hands that seem to reach out of his throat
  • If you cut off the hands, the distal end disintegrates into a swarm of cockroaches
  • Then both the cockroaches and the severed stump of the hand "panic" and force their way back down Roach's throat
  • Fun for the whole family!
• He can't be physically injured in any way; the only part of him that can be damaged is his fur/hair and nails
  • He can't get sick
  • He can't get physically tired (though when he loses interest in doing something it looks a lot like he's worn himself out)
  • He can't get drunk or high
  • Is he even made of cells anymore?  Who knows; you can't draw blood because the needle can't go through his skin
• His favorite outfits right now:
  • A dark grey business suit with a red tie and a top hat
  • A bright red strapless cocktail dress with stiletto heels
• He smells like smoke and long-abandoned attic corners
• His voice is pretty husky, and often hoarse
  • He tends to mumble
• He carries a cane around for aesthetic purposes
• He wears a ton of fancy rings, but his left ring finger is reserved for his engagement ring

Personality 

• People have bad days; Roach has bad decades
  • He gets spiteful, petty, grumpy, and listless
  • He lets himself get eaten alive by his wild emotions and existential crises
  • Moth's good at fixing those
• When he tries, his actual personality's hard to see because he tends to "play" different "characters"
  • He's been a superhero sort before
  • He's also been an urban legend boogeyman (so he can eat people and enjoy himself)
  • And he's been a sultry seductress
  • Aaaaaaaand he's been the trashy YA novel brooding type
  • You get the picture
• He can't tell time to save his eternal life (catch him pausing and asking "when am I" three times in one day)

Likes 

• Moth.  'Nuff said.
• Swing music.  He perks up when the bouncy ostinato starts, and when the saxophone gets going he's out of his seat and dancing.
  • Watching him and Moth dance lindy hop is a real spectacle I tell you what
• Making people uncomfortable, which is one of his greatest strengths
• Being taken seriously
• Getting attention

Dislikes 

• Existential crises
• Immaturity
• Invasions of privacy
• Getting attached to mortals, because he just KNOWS they're gonna UP AND DIE
• Being ignored
• Loud and annoying noises

Personal Info 

• Engaged to Moth, and they couldn't be happier together
  • Roach would really like you to think that he doesn't need all that lovey-dovey shit, but in reality he's been crushing on Moth for, like, ever
• Before Roach and Moth were officially "together" (and even while they were together but Roach was being a grumpy lump for a while), Roach would often get paralyzed by his nerves because he really really needs Moth to like him
• Has a daughter named Cara (with Moth, of course)
  • Sometimes Roach calls Cara "Scarab," and he thinks he's really clever for thinking that shit up

Brief Backstory 

• He wasn't born immortal, he was made
• He probably came from somewhere in Mongolia

Trivia 

• He once joked that the pronouns he prefers are "year" and "month," and Sonny ran with that to keep the joke alive
• He's horribly overpowered and exists only to laugh at you
• Being a definitely masculine noble for a while, then disappearing and eventually resurfacing as a busty barmaid (with his physical appearance largely unchanged save for the more prominent tiddies and waist) without anyone blinking an eye, was what confirmed his suspicions that gender means nothing
• "Roach" isn't their given name; they've just adopted it because - like roaches - they're super gross, always around, and impossible to kill.
• He once made a conspiracy blog about himself!
• He's dabbled in playing a lot of instruments, but he mostly plays the saxophone and piano (since they contribute the most to the Only Music Genre that Matters)
• Theme song: "Ruler of Everything" by Tally Hall
• Chaotic Evil
• TV Tropes: Complete Immortality, She Cleans Up Nicely, Badass In a Nice Suit

Date of Creation / Adoption: September 23, 2016