Phelanie

Other Names: any permutation of his full name, Sir Phelanie Grime

Species: American cockroach (Periplaneta americana)

Gender: Male

Pronouns: he/him

Physical Description 

• Short pastel gremlin
• Star shaped pupils hooray what a cute soft boy,,, not at all a little shit
• His voice sounds like... i dunno, like a sweet little cartoon bug who's also a cartoon gangster, and has been smoking for his entire adult life
  • his vocab includes phrases like "youse guys" and "moider"
• Four arms; the second pair is smaller than the first
  • yes he is covered in fluff cockroaches are fuzzy dangit
• He's also got four wings
  • (tho the suit I made only has 2... it just wasn't worth it you wouldn't be able to see his hindwings anyway)

Personality 

• A little shit
• Considers himself a dastardly villain; in reality is petty and ineffectual
• Lives for drama
  • Follows lots of fandoms not because he's interested in the source material they're based on, but because he likes to soak up the controversies and arguments they inspire
  • Probably has a secret trashy tumblr blog that exists solely to sling baseless accusations at random people and therefore stir up Discourse
• Feeds trolls for free, out of the goodness of his heart

Likes 

• Mildly mischievous actions
  • Would tie your shoes together and then laugh
• Food (and lemme tell ya his definition of "food" is pretty dang broad)
  • catch him chewing on an old boot like "what're YOU lookin' at bub"
• Watching a corner of the Internet burn down around him
  • He doesn't need to be the one that caused it, he just wants to be there to see it happen

Dislikes 

• Facing real consequences for his actions
• Being called "she" or "ma'am" - this usually only happens when strangers see he's pink and he hasn't opened his mouth yet
• Not being taken seriously
  • how could you not take him seriously he is a small pink roach with a ludicrous accent and his name is Phelanie

Personal Info 

• Yeah, his name's pronounced like "felony"
• was my frat brother in college (go Dawgs)
• Would stand in trash and then stand on your food
  • he wouldn't even stop to think about how many days it took you to make that potato salad. a true criminal.
• Obsessively grooms his antennae when he's nervous; sometimes chews on them just because
• He's not a knight or anything; he just likes being called "sir" because then everyone will know he Is Boy

Other Notes: i love bugs. i love all of them. the furry fandom needs to normalize all bugs. cockroaches are valid and here is a little trash boy to prove it

((...also the "my frat brother" thing is a running joke of mine - back in college, if you went walking across campus on a warm Georgia night, you'd cross paths with dozens of fat happy P. americana specimens just out for a stroll, lookin for mulch to eat, you know.  now whenever i see one i'm instantly like "oh my god mike! guys it's my frat brother mike! wow you're looking great dude! go dawgs!" and it's half stupid joke and half technique to make these insects less fearsome in the eyes of my fellow humans))