4 Points
Song: Good For You from Dear Evan Hansen
So you found a place where the grass is greener, and you jumped the fence to the other side.
This is what Amoka considers to be the voice of their mother parents. She and their father were both Guards in their pride, and had always wanted Amoka to be one too. Needless to say, the two of them didn't really react very well to the news that not only was their child not going to be a Guard, but was also non-binary. They hated them for it , and no longer considered them to be their child. They would use derogatory names, and refer to them as their old name, and pretty much refuse to acknowledge their existence when they had another litter of cubs. Their siblings grew up not knowing that Amoka was related to them, and that broke their heart. All of this happened before their voice started to first show itself, and this is the incident that sparked their anxiety.
Is it good? Are they giving you a world I could never provide?
Again, this is their parents. After they disowned Amoka, they would tauntingly ask them stuff about the lions they hung out with, often calling them derogatory names too. Everything they said from then on was rude or condescending. The questions being asked were 'Is it good?' 'What do the Hunters have that we don't?' 'What's wrong with you, Upweke (their dead name)?' They tried to ignore them, but their voices wormed their way into their head, and now they're stuck with them whenever they have panic attacks.
Well I hope you're proud of your 'big decision'. Yeah I hope that it's all that you want and more.
This is less their parents, and more the entire Guardline in general. They feel betrayed and disgusted that the child of the two best Guards in the pride ended up being a lowly Hunter. They were entirely shutting them out, except for when they needed a punching bag to practice on. Their parents also told everyone who was a part of the Guard to refer to them as 'Upweke', and to be rude to them at any chance they can. During the punching bag sessions, the Guard would often present that being a Hunter was the worst decision that they've ever made.
Now you're free, from the 'agonizing' life you were living before.
At this point, everyone in the pride, even the Hunters, stand with the Guards. They believe that Amoka was gifted at birth, and that they never should have given that up. No matter what. The only lions who didn't hate them were the elders and the cubs who hadn't been taught that they were evil.
Does it cross your mind to be slightly sorry? Do you even care that you might be wrong?
They had gotten a mate, surprisingly. However, it was an arranged marriage, and they felt absolutely nothing for her. Their parents had shoved them together in the hopes that they would have children who would be Guards. She kept trying to pressure them into having cubs, and when they refused, she would taunt them as well. In response, they said something akin to the lyrics above, but she didn't care. All she cared about was making her parents proud of her.
Well I hope you had a blast while you dragged me along.
The voice had started to make an appearance, and the first lion it suggested they kill was her. Amoka didn't have any objection, because she had been absolutely horrible to them. They lead her into the woods and murdered her there. Her last words were 'I actually thought you loved me, Upweke.' They buried her body there and washed off her blood in a nearby stream. When they returned to camp, they went straight to sleep
All I need is some time to think!
This is the first time they've truly tried with everything they had to fight the voice off. They'd already 'disposed' of everyone who they thought had intentionally wronged them. They tried to clear their mind and get rid of it by screaming that they need time to consider their options before they killed everyone in the pride.
But the boat is about to sink!
They understand that it's only a matter of time before the voice takes over and they're forced to kill everyone they've ever known. But they also know that there's no way to stop it. Eventually, it will win, and everyone will die. However, there's still time. They can, and will, do everything in their power to make sure that they don't kill everyone.
Can't erase what I wrote in ink! Tell me how can I change the story?!
Flashing forward to the present, they're having a breakdown over what happened all those years ago. They know that there's no possible way to change the past, but that doesn't stop them from wanting to. They want so badly to not be afraid that any little thing could cause the next genocide. They want their life to change, so that they don't have to deal with the pain of killing all of the lions in their old pride, day in day out, for the rest of their life.
All the words that I can't take back.
They wish that they hadn't been so rude to everyone, effectively pushing them away and making them the most disliked lion in the pride. They wished that they had maybe been a bit nicer to their old mate. And maybe, just maybe, an extremely small part of their mind believes that they shouldn't have told their parents anything. That they could have lived with being called the wrong name, doing the job that they hated so much, until they were old enough to leave the pride. They could have bared with it, but instead they had to screw it up. Just like everything else.
Like a train coming off the track.
Their mind is very quickly leaving all forms of sanity behind them. They're scared, and alone, and they just want someone to hug them and tell them it's alright. They missed that feeling. They missed feeling like they were worth something, like they were wanted. Everything around them is spiralling down into this gigantic mess that's impossible to clean up, and they just want to scream that everything's going wrong.
Just let me off! 'So you got what you always wanted...'
They're begging to be free of this voice that's caused them so much suffering and pain, but all they hear is the disappointed voices of their parents and all of their dead friends.They are incapable of understanding the world around them, because their world is filled with the ghosts of their old family, who are screaming at them for everything that they've ever done wrong in their life. Like telling their parents about their gender. Like telling their mate that at that moment, they'd rather die than have cubs with her. Like having a weird, dumb voice in their head that's telling them to kill people.
1025/1000